im impossible to love



TRIGGER WARNING
hi my name is maddie and I'm a sad, disordered teenager.
18 year old girl who lives in Calgary. I hate myself but I love you.
disclaimer: I do not promote eating disorders, nor self harm.
cw: 107 lbs


  • links
    ask my face my story recovery blogs main blog
  • Honestly I can’t even believe how big I used to be and how in denial I was about how big I used to be. Even though my birth control fucked me up and malnutrition me, I like my body now more than I did before. My legs are thinner, my arms are thinner, idk this is just the old e.d talking. I really shouldn’t post this but this is how I feel.

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    Oh my god I haven’t felt this emotionally broken in a long time

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    Self-loathing-selfish-narcissist

    Me

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    I broke up with the guy of my dreams because he was too perfect. I feel so shitty today… why am I so fucking stupid. Did I truly make a huge mistake? Could I potentially love you as well? I just want to tear my skin apart. I’m starting to feel broken again. Now that you’re gone I want to love you ..

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    Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. For their well being and your own.

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    Hai

    IYLUOEVO

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    You are a 🐢

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    I want to scream and cry and cut myself.

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    Please don’t love her more than you loved me. I’m supposed to let you go, but once a former “loved one” seems to have found happiness without you, it kills and brings a sudden emptiness. Even if that “loved one” mentally and physically fucked you up.

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    calivie:

    update: i still hate myself 

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    uptill2: You're a beautiful person, with a beautiful soul.

    Thank you so much , as are you💕

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    Ha is it normal to lose this much hair idk

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    I’ve never been okay with my stomach or my arms since like day 1, what if I never feel beautiful about my body?

    Fuck my genes.

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    Goddamit why can’t I be tiny like I used to be, this isn’t fair. Damn you birth control for making me so thin then after I stop them I get all chunky again. No >:/ why can’t I just be naturally tiny. Though I am the smallest in my family and I intend to keep it that way.. I want to be smaller. I want to be as light as I used to be. I want to feel like a feather in the wind again. I hate my stomach. Though my legs still satisfy me somewhat. I really hate my stomach. And oh god my arms??? Why are my genes so bad. Blah blah blah gonna go smoke weed so I stop bitching. Goooodbye.

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